Deep in a mysterious forest, there is a strange little town far from the prying eyes of others. The townsfolk have always been there, unchanging, living their lives trapped in a daydream. But things have changed since the Beast came. The days have become filled with sorrow and regret, the nights brimming with the aroma of death. The wickedness and lies of the townsfolk is bubbling to the surface, forgotten secrets only now being uncovered. What will be revealed in these dark times? Will the Beast be slain for good? Who will live, and who will perish?

Hello all. I've been working on a small hack for one-shot play, and would love any kind of feedback, no matter how minor. If it's good, awesome. If it's bad, let me know! If it's really, really bad, please let me know!

The rules are here:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1c2jOt_kze4tKZd52dGGlGKW5yuoi7xTVcTaX4aGpJfQ

The playbooks, or archetypes, are here:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B0hcgGllmSSGcXpPbXR3aEFBNVE

And this is the shared move sheet, which is important to play:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B0hcgGllmSSGS1NmdFF5cUpkOUk

I hope not. I tried to phrase it in a way where it's lifted if they beg for your forgiveness, regardless if you actually forgive them or not. "Beg" would probably be up to the MC, but I can see where it might get confusing. Let me try to put it another way.

They can expend all your remaining hold by righting their wrong (your call), by begging for your forgiveness face to face (your response doesn't matter), or by sacrificing something of value to the Maelstrom.

That feels a bit wordy, but maybe it gets my point across better?

Thank you again for your help Ebok. I like the way you rephrased the "lose something" option for Black Magic. I also like your suggestion for acting under fire, but I fear that may be straying too close to Hypnotism. The reason why the "fall ill or suffer an accident" wasn't listed as damage against NPCs, the misfortune against NPCs didn't have a listed effect, and the nightmares option wasn't for players to, was because I was trying to separate the PC and NPC list by narrative versus mechanical effect, as was suggested. I feel like the mechanical effects will do little against NPCs because of their design, while against players narrative effects should be incredibly powerful, or uninteresting without a mechanical bite.

The lose something option, especially how you rephrased it, is a good balance that I love, but I am at a loss for how to hit that balance with other options. I'm going to do a lot of thinking about it, and post when I've figured something out.

Again, thank you to everyone for your great advice and critiques.

I've gotten a lot of good advice, and I've tried to make this more presentable. I am aware it's not really at the playable stage yet, but I'd like more critique if it's available. I've changed a lot, but it still needs work. I'm still really iffy on how Black Magic works, this being the fourth iteration of it, Maelstrom Voodoo I feel might be too powerful, and The Maelstrom Provides feels pretty bland right now. With that in mind, let me have it.

Introducing...

The Jinx

In this wasteland, everything seems to die. Occasionally, you’ll see a glimmer of hope, as people band together. Walls are built. There’s food, clean water, order amongst the chaos of it all. Almost like it never happened. For once, things seemed to be going right. And then you show up.

Creating a Jinx

To create your jinx, choose name, look, stats, moves, gear, curse, and Hx.

Name

Ark, Devil, Lips, Name, Spanner, Thing, Wimsey, Wizard, X

Look

Man, Woman, Ambiguous, Concealed, Transgressing

Casual Wear, Scrounge Wear, Ritual Wear, No Wear

Plain Face, Innocent Face, Disfigured Face, Inhuman Face, Scarred Face, Covered Face

Cruel Eyes, Haunted Eyes, Innocent Eyes, Wandering Eyes, Wise Eyes, Hidden Eyes

Slim Body, Boney Body, Crippled Body, Graceful Body, Hunched Body, Strange Body

Stats

Choose one set:

Cool+1 Hard-1 Hot+0 Sharp+1 Weird+2
Cool-1 Hard+0 Hot+1 Sharp+1 Weird+2
Cool+1 Hard+1 Hot+0 Sharp-1 Weird+2
Cool+2 Hard+0 Hot-1 Sharp-1 Weird+2

Moves

You get all the basic moves, and two Jinx moves.

Jinx Moves

Pick Two:

Stranger Things
You get +1 weird (max +3 weird)

Black Magic
You can extend the reaches of your curse to others, with the right rituals. To curse someone, say who and roll+weird. On a 10+ hold 2, on a 7-9 hold 1. Spend your hold 1-for-1 on the following.
- They fall ill, or are hurt through an unforeseen accident. They take 1-harm (ap)
- They lose something valuable or important. They lose one thing worth up to 3-barter, or something else if the MC agrees. If it’s big, like a car, or the person keeps really good track of it, this won’t work.
- Things won’t go their way. They take -1, right now.
- They have horrible nightmares and visions. If they are an NPC, they are out of comission for a while. If they are a PC, they have to roll the open your brain move.
On a miss, your curse rebounds, and the MC holds 1 against you.

The Maelstrom Provides
When you want a thing- a person, an item, or whatever- sacrifice something you think is of equal value to the Maelstrom and roll+weird. On a 10+, what you wanted shows up mysteriously, without explanation. On a 7-9, your sacrifice wasn’t enough, but the MC will tell you what would be: sacrifice that, and you get your thing. On a miss, be prepared for the worst.

Dark Rites
Your ritual item, given the right preparations, can be directly attuned to the Psychic Maelstrom. When you spend an extended time preparing a ritual, you can use it for augury.

Horrid Visage
When you meet someone important (your call) for the first time, roll+weird. On a hit, they fear you, and will not attack unless you make yourself a clear threat. On a 10+, you take +1 forward for dealing with them as well. On a miss, they are not afraid of you, but you are afraid of them.

Maelstrom Voodoo
You channel the Maelstrom to directly attack someone's mind and spirit. You must either have your target present, or have an idol of that person (a picture would work), and have time and intimacy with it. Roll+weird. On a 10+, they take ?-harm. On a 7-9, you both take ?-harm. On a miss, only you take ?-harm.

Gear

You get
- 1 unconventional weapon
- 1 ritual tool
- fashion suitable to your look

Unconventional Weapon (choose 1):
- Attack Animal (2-harm valuable alive) your choice and yours to detail
- Sharpened Teeth and Nails (2-harm hand implanted)
- Antique Musket (2-harm close loud slow valuable)
- Homebrewed Poison (2-harm ap infinite intimate)
- Car Battery and Jumper Cables (3-harm ap intimate)

Ritual Tools (choose 1):
- A Familiar (valuable alive) your choice and yours to detail
- Arcane Tattoos (implanted)
- Ornate ritual dagger (1-harm hand valuable)
- Skull and bone amulet (worn)
- Relic from the Golden Age (hi-tech valuable)
- Inhuman Third Eye (worn OR implanted)

Curse

You are cursed. This curse cannot be lifted, no matter what.

At the start of every session, roll+weird. On a 10+, choose 1. On a 7-9, either choose 1 and get -1 next time you roll this move, or nothing happens and get +2 next time. On a miss, nothing happens.
- The crops won’t grow, and the water is drying up. If you are in a hold, (+want: hungry), otherwise everyone must spend an additional barter on Lifestyle.
- An illness spreads, with you at ground zero. If you are in a hold, (+want: disease), otherwise everyone take 2-harm (ap) from the illness
- Nightmares of the horrible future plague everyone. If you are in a hold, (+want: anxiety) otherwise everyone must roll the open your brain move.
- Society is beginning to collapse around all of you, savagery swelling up, people forming packs like feral dogs. If you are in a hold, (+want: savagery), otherwise tell the MC that NPCs nearby have formed a Hunting Pack (impulse: to victimize anyone vulnerable), and ask what happens.
- If something bad happened in the recent past, even if it wasn’t your fault, people are blaming you. Tell the MC that NPCs nearby have formed a Mob (impulse: to riot, burn, kill scapegoats), and ask what happens.
- Your curse infects the land itself. Tell the MC that the land around you changed, becoming a Breeding Pit (impulse: to generate badness), and ask what happens.
- Something is born from your soul, separating, and latching on to whatever it can. Tell the MC that an NPC becomes a Perversion of Birth (impulse: craves overthrow, chaos, the ruin of all), and ask what happens
- You can hold back the curse, if you want, but the effects really fuck you up. Take ?-harm.


In addition, your curse has some side effects.

Where you walk (circle one), plants die, vines and flowers writhe and dance, water evaporates, the air grows stale, the winds howl angrily, stone begins to crack, the earth groans beneath you, the shadows whisper, the shadows shriek in pain, animals vanish, feral animals follow, birds circle in the sky

People you meet (circle one), never remember your face, never remember your voice, feel sick for a while, feel anxious for a while, feel like they are being watched, wake up with strange marks, hear whispering from the shadows, hear the grinding gears hidden in the fabric of reality, lose track of time, count the seconds that pass

In your sleep (circle one), you have visions of the far future, you have visions of before the golden age, you have nightmares of inhuman things, your body vanishes ‘til you wake, your body transforms into something else, the shadows speak to you, you hear the heartbeats of all living things, your spirit leaves your body

Finally, when you die, say who is at fault. They take on the curse, as your body vanishes into the Maelstrom. The curse remains exactly the same as it is recorded on your sheet. If they are killed, it passes to the next person, and so on, forever.

Hx

Which one of you took me in, not knowing I’d be nothing but trouble?
For that person, write Hx+1

Which one of you did I ruin the life of?
For that person, write Hx+3.

For everyone else, write Hx-1. You don’t tend not to have people around for long.

Jinx Special

When you and another character have sex, tell them how you think they are going to die. The next time they try to avoid this fate, they take -1 ongoing. If they accept their fate, and do nothing to prevent it, they take +1 forward and mark experience.

Improvement

_ Get +1 Cool (max +2)
_ Get +1 Hard (max +2)
_ Get +1 Sharp (max +2)
_ Get +1 Hot (max +2)
_ Get a new Jinx move
_ Get a new Jinx move
_ Gain a ritual site (workspace, you detail)
_ Gain followers (you detail) and fortunes
_ Get a move from another playbook
_ Get a move from another playbook

Barter

At the beginning of the session, spend 1- or 2-barter for your lifestyle. If you can’t or won’t, tell the MC and answer her questions. If you need jingle during a session, tell the MC you’d like to work a gig. Your gigs:

-Curse an enemy population for a Warlord
-Curse an enemy for wealthy NPC
-Take payment to stay away from a certain hold
-Others, as you negotiate them

Thanks for your advice! It's all very spot on, and I'll make some updates with this in mind. On your note about them just taking the Brainer move for +1 weird, should I just add that to the playbook? I felt like it was always an option with the "take a move from another playbook" advancement, I just felt like it wouldn't be the best idea to give it to them as a starting move option.

Voodoo has been a work in progress since the beginning, but my thoughts behind them Dying on a miss is that Death isn't always the best option. Often times, such as when it's another player who hurt you, or when the fight wasn't intended to be to-the-death, having them die will lead to more complications than solutions. On 3-harm, they are maimed and dying, so they can't or won't fuck with you. On 1-harm, they are hurt, but it isn't serious enough to have them want to seek vengeance. Death is often an extreme. And if another player does indeed hurt you, death doesn't mean the character is gone. They can come back with less hard or more weird, so in that way it's not much more different than a Waterbearer being forced to execute themselves with the Lawbringer move. Those are my thoughts about it anyway. I am very open to other suggestions or interpretations on how it might work instead.

Some modified moves:

Dark Embrace
You can inflict your curse intentionally through some ritual or rite (you detail). When you intentionally inflict your curse, mark experience.

Dark Omens
When you tell another player’s character how things are going to go horribly wrong, roll+weird. On a 10+, you hold 1 on them. On a 7-9, you each hold 1 on the other. On a miss, they hold 1 on you. This hold can be spent 1-for-1 to give the player a -2 on their roll, as if you had roll a 10+ on interfering, and have them mark experience.