I've been working on a custom playbook for my group, and I wanted to see if there are any glaring mistakes or anything. I could go on a long introduction, but I think it would just be best to post what I have. Introducing...

The Jinx

Bad shit happens. Sometimes there’s a reason, sometimes not. Mostly, though, YOU are the reason.

Creating a Jinx

To create your jinx, choose name, look, stats, moves, gear, curse, and Hx.

Name

Ark, Devil, Lips, Name, Spanner, Thing, Wimsey, Wizard, X

Look

Man, Woman, Ambiguous, Concealed, Transgressing

Casual Wear, Scrounge Wear, Ritual Wear, No Wear

Plain Face, Innocent Face, Disfigured Face, Inhuman Face, Scarred Face, Covered Face

Cruel Eyes, Haunted Eyes, Innocent Eyes, Wandering Eyes, Wise Eyes, Hidden Eyes

Slim Body, Boney Body, Crippled Body, Graceful Body, Hunched Body, Strange Body

Stats

Choose one set:

Cool+1 Hard-1 Hot+0 Sharp+1 Weird+2
Cool-1 Hard+0 Hot+1 Sharp+1 Weird+2
Cool+1 Hard+1 Hot+0 Sharp-1 Weird+2
Cool+2 Hard+0 Hot-1 Sharp-1 Weird+2

Moves

You get all the basic moves, and two Jinx moves.

Jinx Moves

Pick Two:

Dark Embrace
When you intentionally inflict your curse, mark experience.

Black Magic
When someone wrongs you (your call), roll+ weird, and say what horrible thing happens to them. On a 10+, they definitely won't be coming near you anytime soon. On a miss, they narrowly avoid their fate, but know you are to blame.

Bad Luck Charm
When you interfere with someone who’s rolling, roll+weird instead of +Hx. In addition, you can always interfere with any roll, regardless of distance, without explanation.

Death Follows
When you go into battle, roll+weird. On a 10+, name each person who will die. On a 7–9, name only one person who will die. Never name a player’s character; name NPCs only. The MC will make your vision come true, if it’s even remotely possible. On a miss, you foresee your own death, and accordingly take -1 throughout the battle.

Dark Omens
When you tell another player’s character how things are going to go horribly wrong, roll+weird. On a 10+, you hold 1 on them. On a 7-9, you each hold 1 on the other. On a miss, they hold 1 on you. This hold can be spent 1-for-1 to turn any roll the other player makes into a miss, and have them mark experience.

Voodoo
When you suffer harm, name who you hold responsible and roll+harm suffered. On a 10+, they take 3-harm (ap) sometime soon. On a 7-9, they only take 1-harm (ap). On a miss, they will die.


Gear

You get
- 1 unconventional weapon
- 1 ritual tool
- fashion suitable to your look

Unconventional Weapon (choose 1):
- Attack Animal (2-harm valuable alive) your choice and yours to detail
- Sharpened Teeth and Nails (2-harm hand)
- Antique Musket (2-harm close loud slow valuable)
- Homebrewed Poison (2-harm ap infinite intimate)
- Car Battery and Jumper Cables (3-harm ap intimate)

Ritual Tools (choose 1):
- A Familiar (valuable alive) your choice and yours to detail
- Arcane Tattoos (implanted)
- Ornate ritual dagger (1-harm hand valuable)
- Bone Necklace (worn)
- Relic from the Golden Age (hi-tech valuable)
- Inhuman Third Eye (worn OR implanted)

Curse

You are cursed. This curse cannot be lifted, no matter what.

The curse afflicts (pick one):
_ Those I care for
_ Those I touch
_ Those I harm
_ Those who meet my gaze
_ Those who speak my name
_ Everyone, spreading like a disease
_ Myself


The curse inflicts (pick one):
_ Illness, where they (circle one) die slowly, die quickly, die painfully, live in agony
_ Loss, of all their (circle one) wealth, sanity, friends and family
_ Disappearance, for (circle one) days, weeks, months, ever
_ Horrible nightmares, about (circle one or two) birds, wolves, swarms of insects, unknowable monsters, being chased, being eaten alive, falling endlessly, the golden age, before the golden age, the far future, another reality, grinding gears hidden inside the fabric of reality
_ Transformation into something inhuman, with (circle one, two, or three) claws, razor teeth, thousands of eyes, monstrous wings, a chitinous shell, a dripping maw, insatiable hunger, insatiable lust, a screech that makes your ears bleed, no trace of their former self
_ Transformation into (circle one) stone, salt, glass, gold, silver, ash, bark and leaves, radioactive ooze, metal and wiring


When you die, say who is at fault. They take on the curse, as your body vanishes into the Maelstrom. The curse remains exactly the same as it is recorded on your sheet. If they are killed, it passes to the next person, and so on, forever.


Hx

Which one of you took me in, not knowing I’d be nothing but trouble?
For that person, write Hx+1

Which one of you did I ruin the life of?
For that person, write Hx+3.

For everyone else, write Hx-1. You don’t tend not to have people around for long.

Jinx Special

When you and another character have sex, tell them how they are going to die. Whenever they try to avoid this fate, they take -1 ongoing. If they accept their fate, and do nothing to prevent it, they take +1 forward and mark experience.

Improvement

_ Get +1 Cool (max +2)
_ Get +1 Hard (max +2)
_ Get +1 Sharp (max +2)
_ Get +1 Hot (max +2)
_ Get a new Jinx move
_ Get a new Jinx move
_ Gain a ritual site (workspace, you detail) plus augury
_ Get a move from another playbook
_ Get a move from another playbook
_ Get a move from another playbook

Barter

At the beginning of the session, spend 1- or 2-barter for your lifestyle. If you can’t or won’t, tell the MC and answer her questions. If you need jingle during a session, tell the MC you’d like to work a gig. Your gigs:

-Curse an enemy population for a Warlord
-Curse an enemy for wealthy NPC
-Curse someone in a way where you inherit their wealth
-Others, as you negotiate them

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I think it's worth mentioning that I am completely aware that the Death Follows move is almost identical to the Visions of Death move the battlebabe gets. Originally, they were just going to get that move as one of their options, but I decided against it for the reason that, around the Jinx, people die. A lot. That's kind of their thing. I didn't want to give them the option of choosing who gets to live, only who gets to die.

Other than that, I would really love any critique at all before I bring it to my table. Thanks!