Long time no reply. My apologies. Thanks to all of you. It's probably going to end up with the name "The Scarred", and as it's going in Luxe Eternal I may hold back a bit with revealing all the tweaks I'm making here. Some of the moves just need clarifying.
That said, here's some feedback feedback: I appreciate the point about trimming moves and getting rid of Shell moves from advancement, but I'm already looking at the most uninspiring set of advances since The Angel, it's not an area that I have the luxury of trimming out.
I hadn't spotted that Twitchy as all Hell is duplicating what the other moves do. Damn. (Though really, Everybody Bleeds not making sense? You've been beaten up so now you're rougher, scrappier and whatever the odds, however many people there are piling on you, you make sure somebody comes away limping and sore.) See What I've Seen will probably go, and Glimpsed The Beyond is itching for a complete re-write. I must admit, I don't really like Touched by Death. It might be irrelevant, it might net you a massive bonus. That's not something I should be looking to emulate.
And lastly, Everybody Talks makes for some interesting design decisions, because everybody has the basic move Manipulate. And the concrete assurance that pain hurts and that being let go doesn't is pretty good leverage. As such, in order to make the move relevant, it needs to be broader, more powerful or more interesting. Mcdaldno's answer explores a solution. Good stuff.