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brainstorming & development / Re: Frontier World - a (Spaghetti) Western AW2 hack
« on: November 17, 2016, 03:45:17 PM »
JBH - some really good stuff here so far. I've tried all the 'western' hacks I could find and there are some good ones, but this one (so far anyway) seems to incorporate everything I need nicely, and with 2nd ed rules to boot. cheers!
By way of helping, I took a look through and here are my random editing and other thoughts - take em or leave em as you see fit. I hope it helps!
--As a general note, I'm finding a few cases where something is difficult to read in the regular text font being used. I'm usually the guy that has to read the small text or whatever for the two older gamers at my table, so I'm guessing others may have some trouble also. Forward slashes are very light (possibly almost invisible to some), colons are kerned really close to the text (could probably be fixed with a space character between them), etc. This is on screen, they may print better but I haven't tested that as of yet.
General
various 'you get +1 [stat] (to [stat]+3)' - this is sometimes listed as you get +1 [stat] ([stat]+3) instead. I like the first one better as it is more clear, but either way it should be consistent.
The Doc - Healing Touch.
Unclear - "On a miss: first, you don’t heal them. Second, if your patient’s a fellow player’s character, treat it as though you’ve made that move and missed the roll." - which move? healing touch?
The Outlaw - Your Posse
-still references 'bikes'
The Gunslinger
-references 'concrete and dirt' in the blurb. Anachronistic - concrete not common during old west times. 'Pine and Dirt' maybe? or 'Scrub and Dirt'?
-Insano like Drano (anachronistic). Maybe just a 'western' sounding word like 'moonstruck' or 'unhinged'?
The Preacher
-references 'concrete and dirt' in the blurb. Anachronistic - concrete not common during old west times. 'Pine and Dirt' maybe? or 'Scrub and Dirt'?
-non-ascii character or something? 'Your followers are drug-xated. Surplus: +stupor'
-missing or extra word: 'If you’d like to start play with a mount or, get with the MC.'
The Gentleman
'Everybody eats' move: 'How are they doing? what’s up with them?' - 2 things on one line? or 2nd thing on first line capitalized?
Playbook title - seems gender-specific; some may have issue with this. Could change to 'Proprietor', which seems more in line with someone that definitely owns a business (Gentleman doesn't lead to that conclusion, per se).
HX: 'Which of you do I find most attractive? For those characters, write Hx+2.' - ambigious as to whether choosing one or multiple people.
The Belle
Playbook title - seems gender-specific; some may have issue with this. I can't really think of a good alternative here though... 'Head Turner'?
Belle Special - 'You can seduce them as though you’d rolled a 10+, even if you haven’t got that move.' - 'Seduce' is a basic move, so everyone should have that - was the Belle's 'Seductive' move what was meant here?
Wild beauty: 'when ask someone to escort you in the wilderness' (typo, should probably be 'when *you* ask...'
HX - there seems to be extra 'For that character, write Hx[whatever]' lines in this section...
The Native
the land speaks - 'How long ago was this thing stepped or handled?' -grammar, should be 'stepped on' probably
sacred ground - 'a minerals ore' - grammar, shold probably be 'a mineral ore' or 'ore from minerals' or similar
Gigs: 'As guide for a powerful NPC; or other means as you can' - I'm not parsing this properly in my brain at all, the 2nd part after guiding a powerful NPC.
I'm confused on an aspect of The Native. In one move it states:
'Vision Quest: some component of your sacred ground, or some arrangement of its components, is uniquely receptive to the land (add insight)...'
And later in the Sacred Ground section it states:
'In your sacred ground you can find refuge, meditate for insight, commune with nature...'
--So it sorta sounds like you can already use insight in the sacred ground. What benefit does Vision Quest offer in that instance? Or is the Sacred Ground's listing of 'insight' descriptive and not game mechanics?
The Starbearer
The Law - 'No drinking alcohol outdoor' - should be 'outdoors'
Gear - 'If you’d like to start play with a mount, get with MC.' -should include 'the' (get with *the* MC) for readability and consistency
-what's this 'Source' in this playbook? It is mentioned in improvement (add 2 features to the source) and under gear (in addition to your source), but I'm not grokking what it is and there seems to be no other reference in the document.. looks like it may be re-skinned from the Quarantine's Stasis, but I'm still unsure how it works with the Starbearer here.
By way of helping, I took a look through and here are my random editing and other thoughts - take em or leave em as you see fit. I hope it helps!
--As a general note, I'm finding a few cases where something is difficult to read in the regular text font being used. I'm usually the guy that has to read the small text or whatever for the two older gamers at my table, so I'm guessing others may have some trouble also. Forward slashes are very light (possibly almost invisible to some), colons are kerned really close to the text (could probably be fixed with a space character between them), etc. This is on screen, they may print better but I haven't tested that as of yet.
General
various 'you get +1 [stat] (to [stat]+3)' - this is sometimes listed as you get +1 [stat] ([stat]+3) instead. I like the first one better as it is more clear, but either way it should be consistent.
The Doc - Healing Touch.
Unclear - "On a miss: first, you don’t heal them. Second, if your patient’s a fellow player’s character, treat it as though you’ve made that move and missed the roll." - which move? healing touch?
The Outlaw - Your Posse
-still references 'bikes'
The Gunslinger
-references 'concrete and dirt' in the blurb. Anachronistic - concrete not common during old west times. 'Pine and Dirt' maybe? or 'Scrub and Dirt'?
-Insano like Drano (anachronistic). Maybe just a 'western' sounding word like 'moonstruck' or 'unhinged'?
The Preacher
-references 'concrete and dirt' in the blurb. Anachronistic - concrete not common during old west times. 'Pine and Dirt' maybe? or 'Scrub and Dirt'?
-non-ascii character or something? 'Your followers are drug-xated. Surplus: +stupor'
-missing or extra word: 'If you’d like to start play with a mount or, get with the MC.'
The Gentleman
'Everybody eats' move: 'How are they doing? what’s up with them?' - 2 things on one line? or 2nd thing on first line capitalized?
Playbook title - seems gender-specific; some may have issue with this. Could change to 'Proprietor', which seems more in line with someone that definitely owns a business (Gentleman doesn't lead to that conclusion, per se).
HX: 'Which of you do I find most attractive? For those characters, write Hx+2.' - ambigious as to whether choosing one or multiple people.
The Belle
Playbook title - seems gender-specific; some may have issue with this. I can't really think of a good alternative here though... 'Head Turner'?
Belle Special - 'You can seduce them as though you’d rolled a 10+, even if you haven’t got that move.' - 'Seduce' is a basic move, so everyone should have that - was the Belle's 'Seductive' move what was meant here?
Wild beauty: 'when ask someone to escort you in the wilderness' (typo, should probably be 'when *you* ask...'
HX - there seems to be extra 'For that character, write Hx[whatever]' lines in this section...
The Native
the land speaks - 'How long ago was this thing stepped or handled?' -grammar, should be 'stepped on' probably
sacred ground - 'a minerals ore' - grammar, shold probably be 'a mineral ore' or 'ore from minerals' or similar
Gigs: 'As guide for a powerful NPC; or other means as you can' - I'm not parsing this properly in my brain at all, the 2nd part after guiding a powerful NPC.
I'm confused on an aspect of The Native. In one move it states:
'Vision Quest: some component of your sacred ground, or some arrangement of its components, is uniquely receptive to the land (add insight)...'
And later in the Sacred Ground section it states:
'In your sacred ground you can find refuge, meditate for insight, commune with nature...'
--So it sorta sounds like you can already use insight in the sacred ground. What benefit does Vision Quest offer in that instance? Or is the Sacred Ground's listing of 'insight' descriptive and not game mechanics?
The Starbearer
The Law - 'No drinking alcohol outdoor' - should be 'outdoors'
Gear - 'If you’d like to start play with a mount, get with MC.' -should include 'the' (get with *the* MC) for readability and consistency
-what's this 'Source' in this playbook? It is mentioned in improvement (add 2 features to the source) and under gear (in addition to your source), but I'm not grokking what it is and there seems to be no other reference in the document.. looks like it may be re-skinned from the Quarantine's Stasis, but I'm still unsure how it works with the Starbearer here.